In my previous article, Finding the Right Environment for Success, I talked about my struggles as a high school student and as a 9-5 employee. I didn’t realize it at the time, but in retrospect my actions made sense, even if they led to failure (and a lot of stress!). What conventional thinking and the people around me told me to do clashed with what my intuition and natural inclination wanted me to do. This column isn’t about listening to yourself above everyone else and doing only what you want to do all the time - far from it. Sometimes you have to balance your own desires with what is acceptable to the world and to other people. What this column is about is learning to make that distinction of when to trust your own intuition or instincts and when to ignore them.
What makes sense to you? Over the years I’ve realized what makes sense to me, based on my unique values and what I want out of life. For instance, sometimes I will completely forget about the world outside of my head, and get lost in a zone thinking about whatever has preoccupied my mind. During these “zone-out” periods, I might forget to eat or drink. I will most likely forget to shower. Unless they are related somehow to what my mind is contemplating, friends and family might as well not exist because I’ve forgotten about their existence. The laundry and dishes go unwashed, and I might not even step outside of the house into the real world. Is this kind of behavior good or bad? Isn’t it unhealthy to be disconnected from reality? I think these are the wrong questions to be asking.
What I do makes sense to me, and that’s the most important factor in my decision-making. This is the way I choose to operate, and the benefits I obtain from being myself are valuable to me. My habits might drive my spouse crazy, but that’s what the breaks of the game are. Sometimes you need to forget about balance and just “do you” for a few days.
So if by indulging in this “zone-out” period my apartment and hygiene take a slight hit for a few days, what then do I gain? After all, I must derive some benefit from my behavior, or else why would any rational person consistently choose to continue? The truth is, most people would never understand. Most people think I don’t do anything all day, and on the surface, I can’t argue with them. My parents and critics call me a dreamer - someone who does nothing, only dreams and thinks all day. I can’t argue with that because sometimes it does seem as if I haven’t accomplished anything besides do a lot of thinking.
But like I said before, every action I take makes sense to me, even if it doesn’t to others. My zone-out days can be periods of great creativity and concentration, where my mind is working overtime generating new ideas or contemplating new thoughts and concepts, trying to make sense of them. Without these zone-out periods, I might be 90% less creative. I might never have processed the insights necessary to write this column. Who knows what I would be like? I would certainly think differently, and be a different person. I can’t know for sure, but I do know that this is the best way I know how to be me and do what I do. It makes sense on an intuitive level and I just know what I need to do, even if the results are not yet apparent.
What other behavior makes sense to me? Time alone, in order to let my mind rest and think about whatever it wants. Freeing myself from any outside responsibilities or structure, as these limit my free nature and creativity. Keeping my ideas to myself, for myself, because I’m just selfish like that and want credit for my visions. I’ve learned to be myself, despite any possible criticism, because the fact is that someone will always find fault with what you do and who you are. If what you do doesn’t make some person somewhere question what the heck is wrong with you, then you’re doing something wrong. There is always another side which disagrees fundamentally with your way of doing things. The only question you have to answer is which side are you on - the rest is immaterial.
As you grow older and more secure with who you are and how you choose to live, you can start focusing on what really matters to you. With the freedom to do what you want, how you want - your chances of succeeding rise. Why? Because you possess a unique formula for success based on your unique values, opportunities, and personality, and if you are ever to be very successful, your best chance of getting there is to get there by being you.