Life is Harsh, But Someone Had To Tell You

Life is harsh. Someone had to say it eventually, but the simple reality is that life is not always like it is in the movies. In fact, stories of most people’s lives are never anything like them at all. This is because movies are only created around good stories, and what makes a story good usually involves someone struggling against an obstacle and overcoming tremendous odds. The more difficult the situation, the more potential there is for the protagonist to rise to the occasion. He has to draw on more inner strength, resolve, and fortitude in order to succeed. Are the heroes in our movies any better or more capable of succeeding than we are? Perhaps, perhaps not. It doesn’t really matter what the answer is, because we don’t need to know. There is no way that we could know. All that matters to us that we utilize the power of belief in order to maximize our chances of success.

So why did I start the column off with something so negative, like “Life is Harsh”? Because the idea that life is harsh is not really negative – in fact, once you accept that life is no cakewalk, you begin to develop an entirely different mindset and attitude. You are forced to build up your strength and develop your talents in order to rise to the challenge. The will to survive is one of the strongest forces that we can draw on. Once you realize that your success is not guaranteed, that anyone’s success is not guaranteed, you start to understand how rare, and also how difficult, succeeding in life is.

Life should be full of setbacks, episodes of depression, heartbreak, and tears. I truly believe this. Suffering is and has been a crucial part of life as a human – it’s what makes us grow. It’s what forces us to develop inner strength – strength that, to my knowledge, can’t be developed any other way and can’t be substituted. If you desire to achieve something great, then struggling should be a part of the path to get there. Without struggle – without suffering of some kind, the journey becomes meaningless, weak, pitiful. Every person who has accomplished something great has either suffered a great deal or struggled tremendously in order to achieve. You can bet that they paid the price.

Most of you have probably read numerous platitudes such as “happiness is a choice” and “your attitude determines your altitude”. While I don’t necessarily reject these as untruthful, I often get annoyed when I hear people say them because they usually use them in the wrong context. I do believe that in the long run and in the big picture, our happiness is more or less a choice. I do believe that your attitude and mindset in life go a long way, and I’ve even written about that in my article The Most Valuable Possession. However, most often when I hear these sayings, they are used in the wrong context and at the wrong time – usually when someone is going through a tough experience or setback and doesn’t need to hear that they should just be happy. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds to someone experiencing real pain? That they should just reverse the pain and sorrow somehow and be happy? No, what they need is your sympathy or your support – anything else that you provide is useless. And what they need to do is to continue feeling that pain because, as we established from the very beginning – life is harsh. In order to grow, to bounce back and achieve great things, all that sorrow, pain, and heartbreak has to be drawn on and used to strengthen your resolve. That’s the stuff that true champions are made of – not Wheaties, genetics, or anything that was given to them.

“I’m an emotional chameleon see how I adapt to pain,
Before we enjoy the sun we must first get past the rain”
-Cormega, “Ain’t Gone Change” from The True Meaning

I originally titled this column “The Courage To Go For It All” before I started writing about how life was harsh and difficult and all sort of topics that didn’t have much to do at all with the original title. So, I changed the title. But my original intent was to write about courage and how it’s a crucial part of being a champion. See, most people live their lives in fear, afraid to attempt new things. What is the root of this fear? It could be any number of things, but in my opinion, the most common root is a person’s lack of courage. It takes tremendous mental strength to take on your goals, and fail. Yes, fail. Remember when I wrote about how failure was a crucial part of being a champion in Trial By Fire?. The best of the best have the courage to find out how just what they’re made of, by giving 100%. They could still fall short, because life is harsh like that, but at least they were willing to lay it all on the line. Average people, on the other hand, are too scared to find out what they’re made of. Too afraid that the truth might be that they’re not special or talented afterall. And so they don’t take risks and protect their fragile ego. They put only 70% or 50% into their dreams, and then rationalize failure by saying to themselves, “Well, I could succeed if only I gave 100%”, and thus protect their ego.

Success isn’t guaranteed, and when you fail, your ego gets bruised. It’s a process that takes time, but anyone can develop into a stronger person. It’s not as easy as simply repeating to yourself “happiness is a choice, happiness is a choice”. No, the pain and the tears from the struggle is part of life and what you will eventually draw on to overcome your obstacles and achieve great things. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow. You could be in pain for a long time – such is the nature of life. Once you accept that, you begin to understand that there is no one to blame, its simply something you must roll with, like how the sky is blue, or gravity. You don’t have to move on today, hell you don’t have to move on ever, if that’s what you want. Whatever the case, every interesting story involves struggle and pain. Be glad that you’ve found some.
Because baby – the sweet ain’t as sweet without the bitter.